Jaga hati saya sikit.
Saya tak larat. Saya ingat saya kuat. Tapi tak.
Jaga hati saya sikit.
Saya tak larat. Saya ingat saya kuat. Tapi tak.
Entri tak fikir panjang mana.
Pada masa ini ada banyak lagi perkara yang lebih penting untuk kau selain dari yang kau terkejar-kejar tu. Ada kerja, tanggungjawab pada keluarga dan juga pelajaran yang kau gatal nak sambung tu. Faham tak?
Walaupun begitu, hati kecil kau yang degil tu selalu jugak nak jerit jerit, nak benda yang tak pasti jadi milik kau. Kan. Cuba bersyukur sikit dan fikir dalam dalam, tarik nafas panjang-panjang dan ingat, yang Allah dah jadikan sesuatu tu sudah tepat pada tempatnya, cumanya mahu kau sabar. Ingat dan hargai apa yang kau ada, daripada nak mengharapkan benda yang tak pasti tu.
Cuba serapkan dalam diri, hati, lubuk kalbu dan segalanya yang boleh, yang tak semestinya apa yang kau mahu tu, baik untukmu dan tak semestinya apa yang kau tolak itu, buruk untukmu. Ingat tu.
Dan, masih juga hati mahu jerit perlahan-lahan,
Tuhan, aku rasa sebahagian kecil hati aku ini sudah dicuri. Oleh orang yang tak menyedari perlakuan jahat dia yang telah mencuri hati aku ini.
pemalu yang mahu.
Nota : Ini post tidak fikir panjang.
Oh, saya tidak lah ada perkara pasal Vin Diesel pun yang nak dikongsi.
Cuma, few months ago, saya ditakdirkan kenal dengan seorang lelaki misteri yang saya namakan Vin Diesel je lah. HAHA.
Kenal dia melalui satu media sosial. Tak kenal sangat. Tapi entah mengapa, tersangkut dengan dia. Bukanlah jatuh cinta atau apa sepertinya, cuma rasa macam ada chemistry.
Tapi sekarang, dia dah jauh dari hidup saya. Saya pun tak tahu kenapa. Perkara berlaku secara tiba-tiba sahaja.
Vin Diesel pernah kata kat saya “I’m here if you need me.”
Masa tu saya pun tak tahu kenapa dia sanggup cakap macam tu. Sebab I didn’t expect him to say that at all. Sebab kami tak kenal sangat pun. Masa tu saya sedang melalui satu perkara yang sangat menyedihkan seumur hidup saya.
Dua tiga hari kemudian, dia hilangkan diri dia.
Tapi saya masih boleh tengok dia. Through this media lah. But then, I sindir-sindir until dia terus block I.
Maybe I was dumb, sindir-sindir sampai dia menyampah and thought, damn budak ni. (hopefully not).
But, I sindir sebab I pelik.
Cuma I sedar, mungkin dia keluarkan ayat “I’m here if you need me” tu masa dia rasa dia boleh ada untuk saya, then suddenly he came to his senses that he actually shouldn’t say that to me. Maybe he came to realize that his offer was too heavy to bear.
If you ever read this, please know that I am so sorry for the words I’ve said or the things I’ve done that might make you angry.
Bila kita suka someone but that someone tak suka kita balik.
Bila someone suka kat kita, kita tak suka dia balik.
Bila orang macam suka kat kita
Treat kita baik baik
Tapi in the end takde apa apa
Bila kita treat orang biasa biasa
Tapi dia ingat kita treat lebih
Bila kita treat orang lebih lebih
Tapi dia tak rasa apa apa
Bila kita tanya apa apa
Dia jarang jawab balik
Bila dia start conversation
Kita pulak yang lebih lebih nak sms la apa lah…
Bila dia kata dia single but not available tapi bila ditanya dia tak cakap pun kenapa dia tak available,
padahal dia tahu (kut) ada orang suka kat dia.
Dia sebenarnya tak percaya diri sendiri.
Tak percaya diri sendiri untuk come out with a reason on why dia should stay single
Bila ada orang yang suka dekat dia
Dan tak percaya pada dirinya sendiri untuk bagitahu orang tu,
That dia tak perlukan orang tu untuk suka dia lagi.
Tak percaya pada dirinya sendiri untuk cuba bagi peluang kat orang yang suka dia tu
Tak percaya pada dirinya sendiri, mungkin tak mengerti perasaan sendiri
Tak percaya pada dirinya sendiri, untuk berkomunikasi dengan orang yang suka dia tu
Tak percaya pada dirinya sendiri untuk memulakan sesuatu yang sebenarnya memang untuk dia…
Tak pasti dengan diri sendiri…
Here is my birthday cake!
I had to go on a job assignment on my birthday! I was so sad, having to be apart from my friends, and most of all, I have planned a trip home until I had to change it, because my flight took off on Sunday. 😦
I was sad again, I arrived at Sibu airport, on a rainy evening, everything was so gloomy. The people at the airport weren’t really friendly. I despise cold people, especially those front liners, I was expecting at least a smile… Instead everyone seemed too moody to smile. 😦
Anyway, I still enjoy the feeling of getting to know new places. Alhamdulillah.
I slept late, waiting to see who would be the first to wish me birthday. Ahh… I am childish like that. I still love birthday wishes. I can’t help it.
Thanks to all friends who have wished me. I really appreciate them.
Then, I had this seminar on anti-human trafficking. It was kind of a bit boring, because I thought the information circulated were quite the same, yeah considering I had been to at least two similar seminars. But I still appreciate the knowledge, and I was seated next to a nice lady, from Sibu. She talked a lot and we kind of laughed at the same thing, in a nice way so we just had fun. Until she had to leave during lunch and I found myself laughing alone to those joke that sometimes, it was only me who thought the speech was a joke. 😛
Anyway, the afternoon session went better than the morning because it was presented in a forum way, where anyone could ask questions, or even share their experience and everything. I really loved it.
Until one speaker stole my heart… I think I fell in love with him? I really liked when I first saw him. He looked so handsome in his uniform. Damn!
He was the last speaker on that day. He went around the hall while delivering his speech, I guessed he wanted to prevent people from getting sleepy. Heh.
He ended his talk with his handphone number on the last slide. Who did that? HAHA.
I texted him and asked him to have cake with me.
He said ok and even paid for my cake and wished me birthday.
I really like him, I think.
I think that was the best memory of my birthday.
I am smiling right now. We are still keeping in touch, and I hope we will always do that.
I’ve said to my exhousemate that I dont wanna start Insta because I know I would be addicted and hooked to it. I am sure right about myself! Luckily insta is for photosharing! I had few people saying that I wanted every photo to be shared on FB! I know it’s my FB so let me do what I want but sometimes somebody’s words were damaging enough. So now I could post any photo I want! Yeay!
Join me at Instagram @shahzere
err… I checked my blog stat just now. Surprised! Surprised! It’s been hit for more than 100++ last two days~ by the way I’ve found this post that I thought was sweet… click here… 🙂
And this new office laptop is quite a slow poke. The keyboard wasn’t very quick…. and its so rata (keyboard I mean), to make it easy I am still not familiar with this MAC-alike keyboard. I think I don’t like it. Yeah, I am old-fashioned like that.
Now I am taking few days break from Facebook. It’s becoming an annually ritual, should I put it that way. I had once deactivated my account last year, because I simply wanted to run from someone so instead of deleting/blocking him which is kind of rude, I chose to just deactivate my account. Simple. I don’t know whether or not it worked out but that person didn’t do anything to find me pun, hee so I think it was working. 😛
So the reason for this hiatus, I might choose to relate it to an event I had organized few weeks ago, which to be truth, while it was fun, the pressure of organizing things alone were too much that I decided that I needed to take this break. Yeah, I know that choosing to get away from FB made me lost my privileges as Admin to some groups, but what should I do, I think I really need this break. It’s been close to 2 weeks. (Yeah, not that long, but for someone who used to check her FB 10 times per waking hour, this is a success story~)
I went back home last week. As usual I was driving alone. I think I am mastering that skill now. HEHE. Such a narcissist. Okay, well now it’s me and these unavailable men again. Last week alone I had received some get together invitation from this unavailable men. You know. It’s not that I don’t want to see them, hack I love talking to a man! HAHA but I think it’s not appropriate anymore. I am not getting any younger to mess around anymore, I have to learn to live a better life.
Oh I have outlined some plans for this year but somehow along the planning I have done some ask around and thinking just to find out that I am left with an open junction whether or not to go on with that plan, because after all I have found the pros and cons are somehow balanced. I either just go on and stick to the flow or just dump that plan and move on (and forget that plan). If I go on I might have nothing to lose but if I dump it, I am not anything better I guess.
Mum talked me into marriage thing. HUH. That’s one thing that is not in the plan, at least not this year. Mum shrugged to that statement. Well. What to do mum, your daughter is not as lucky as you when you’re younger. But I had my win in other side, so I guess it’s a win-win situation. Yeah, I am all aware that having my own basic family is a complement to my life, but I believe it will come, insyaAllah. Truthfully I don’t know how to work on that, God help me.
I think it’s time to pen off now. I have this invitation letter for an APEC Forum in Singapore, wish me luck. 😉 All the best to us all, may these few weeks of January had already brought in something meaningful to everyone.InsyaAllah!