hmmmm · nescafe tarik · self searching

Berkongsi

Semalam I berkongsi perasaan dan luahan hati, di twitter. Sadis juga. Ada hal sedikit.

Susahkan, being the eldest one, with no mum and adik adalah range dari umur 30 sampai 13. How do mum coped with everything. I wanted to tabik spring to every mum in the world.

I have to listen  (read, in my case, because brother typed his heart out via sms) to their feeling. The critical part is I could detect a dissatisfaction on something, but what disappointed me the most was that he knew who and who he should meet to voice out his feeling but he chose to kept the info from me. He chose to make silent but at the same time, voicing out his dissatisfaction on me, and when I asked and suggested thing, he came out with an unexpected conclusion.  It disappointed me even more.

Nevermind, I guess he could think for his own good, he’s thirty anyway.

Dahlah, today I am having buka puasa with officemates at Bangi Golf Resort, (in Bangi ler…)

Till then, bye.

hmmmm · nescafe tarik · self searching

Tomorrow

It’s my late mum’s birthday tomorrow.

How I missed her, it’s like I still can hear her voice, her excited and cheerful voice when we spoke on the phone the last time, the last night before her passing.

Al Fatihah.

Last year, she was here, at my Putrajaya home on her birthday, I took her to National Museum and she even followed us siblings to Uptown Mines the night before, she said that she needed to walk, to practice for saie (she went for Hajj last November, and she passed away 5 days after returning home). May Allah bless her, and may our good deed will be with her, insyaAllah.

I am not sure about my other siblings, they seem so strong, I hope they are stronger inside.

I am not sure about what future holds, but I wish that we will always be blessed, though most of the times I found myself slipping away from Allah. Hopefully I will be better muslim…

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last year, during school break 🙂
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at the National Museum
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Celebrating her 54th birthday, last year.
May Allah bless her soul…

 

 

bas... · hmmmm · nescafe tarik · self searching

Harus tahu

Entri tak fikir panjang mana.

Pada masa ini ada banyak lagi perkara yang lebih penting untuk kau selain dari yang kau terkejar-kejar tu. Ada kerja, tanggungjawab pada keluarga dan juga pelajaran yang kau gatal nak sambung tu. Faham tak?

Walaupun begitu, hati kecil kau yang degil tu selalu jugak nak jerit jerit, nak benda yang tak pasti jadi milik kau. Kan. Cuba bersyukur sikit dan fikir dalam dalam, tarik nafas panjang-panjang dan ingat, yang Allah dah jadikan sesuatu tu sudah tepat pada tempatnya, cumanya mahu kau sabar. Ingat dan hargai apa yang kau ada, daripada nak mengharapkan benda yang tak pasti tu.

Cuba serapkan dalam diri, hati, lubuk kalbu dan segalanya yang boleh, yang tak semestinya apa yang kau mahu tu, baik untukmu dan tak semestinya apa yang kau tolak itu, buruk untukmu. Ingat tu.

Dan, masih juga hati mahu jerit perlahan-lahan,

Tuhan, aku rasa sebahagian kecil hati aku ini sudah dicuri. Oleh orang yang tak menyedari perlakuan jahat dia yang telah mencuri hati aku ini.

Yang benar,

pemalu yang mahu.

 

friends · grapevines · hmmmm · nescafe tarik · self searching

Miss Advised ;-)

Well,

I don’t know if you guys watch this show or not, but forgive me, I am a sucker for this kind of chic tv show. The show is one of a kind, where I think I could relate to one of the three actors. My favourite would have been Julia Allison. She’s a dating expert, as they said. Basically I think, we’ve been through few similar situations and we used to be looking for the one. 😛 (I am happy that now she’s found her Mr. Right, while me, err still searching or maybe I am just resting for a while and letting things happen).

I read Julia’s blog and I think there’s a lot of references that I could (relate) relate to, of  course. But as Julia said, it’s when we learned and knew how to be loved then, the love will find us, hopefully, well I do hope I didn’t misunderstand her point.

There are also Amy (the matchmaker) and Emily (the sex expert). While both things are something taboo in our culture, I believe that the audiences are adult enough to observe those appropriate acts only. I can’t help but think those who blame others over their own stupid acts are merely, stupid, (that) they can’t think for themselves. Well, I did being stupid sometimes but well, to blame others, please.

***

On other note, I have found this cute blog, named Oldstock, basically about a man who tells stories while reminiscing his past, with relate-able experiences that could make (wise) men, women, boys and girls more grateful to be here. Though when I read it, I almost wished I was at the same age with him and had same chances as he had, now that seems ungrateful hehe. I wish him the best.

So, tomorrow I will be having my first class for this new semester, oh, I forget to share that I was offered (after much hassle, and of course I applied for it) a scholarship by JPA that it will cover my study fee, well, that means so much. Alhamdulillah.

Anyway, all the best, I hope we will all have a bliss and blessed weekend. Insha Allah.

Take (good) care. Someone used to say this a lot. I miss him, not. Just a thought, okay, I wish he could make up his mind, but that’s another story, pray for me.

Again, take care. 🙂

Love.

hmmmm · nescafe tarik · wayang

Semalam

Tayar pancit, terpaksa panggil my colleagues to help me out, biasalah perempuan. Hee. Kat situ baru nak tulis, biasalah perempuan, biasanya nak mengaku yang kita ni sama kuat je ngan lelaki. Kuat mental, ye kut. Kuat fizikal, tak naklah, tak ayu nanti.

I pergi tampal tayar semua, RM6. Kat Putrajaya ni mahal seringgit dari tempat lain tapi okay je, mampu kan. Rezeki kedai tu.

I whatsapped gambar tayar pancit kat sorang ni dia tanya I, did you fix it by yourself? I jawab, mestilah tak. Tak ayulah kan nak tercongok congok pakai baju kurung tukar tayar. 😛 Dia pun cakap, if you did, you’d be the coolest woman.

Takpelah. Tak cool pun, I tetap hot gitu.

Flat kan.
Flat kan.
a 2 cm screw found it's place there
a 2 cm screw found it’s place there

Balik awal semalam, nak tengok Suits.

Cerita Suits ni ditujukan khas buat ex hoomie, Cik Hani yang apa apa je lah.

semalam ditakdirkan birthday Rachel, so ayah dia bawak dia gi lunch. Ayah Rachel ni rupanya peguam yang hebat. Robert Zane namanya. Robert ni macam tak menghargai Rachel la, dia selalu cakap seolah Rachel ni failure sebab dah lama2 pun masih lagi jadi para legal, tak jadi lawyer lagi. Rachel bengang la.

Dia balik opis, and tahu bahawa Pearson and Hardman nak lawan ngan Robert Zane on a case, so dia offer to work with Mike and Harvey to beat her father. Masa ni isu dia macam personal la sikit. Pastu Mike tak tahu yang dia nak lawan tu ayah Rachel tapi once dia tahu, dia jadi macam pengampu sikit macam nak ambik hati pak mentua so Harvey macam menyampah la. Tapi menyampah bodoh2 ala ala gurau2 yang biasa la…

So lawan2 macam biasa lah, dalam fakta fakta tu ada jugalah isu emosi anak beranak…. So macam kita selalu tengok, Harvey and Mike mesti ada point yang tidak boleh dikalahkan lah, kan?

Last2 ayah Rachel pun sedarlah yang anak dia tu perlukan sokongan, dan bukan dipandang rendah, kebetulan isu malam tadi ialah gender, diorang lawan kes pasal gender so adalah isu-isu yang berkaitan kan.

Ending, si Robert Zane tarik diri dari kes tu, so digantikan oleh Daniel Hardman yang telah dipecat dari his own company, Pearson (Jessica) and Hardman. Dia nak ambil kes tu to fight against Harvey and Mike.

So, that’s all, bersambung next week.

 

😛

 

Mike and Harvey ;)
Mike and Harvey 😉

 

 

grapevines · hmmmm · nescafe tarik

Bosan dah

Last week I was stationed in Langkawi for LIMA event. It was a great experience that I didn’t mind repeating. 🙂 I was surrounded by good people, and I’ve got to meet a lot of new people as well as long lost friends, well not really long lost lah. 😛

I was assigned to be the accompany officer for the Deputy Minister of Transport, Union of Myanmar. My job was basically to accompany him and his officer to visit booths, and static exhibitions, take him to shopping, and to do some sight seeing in Langkawi.

His Excellency is a very humble man, and very knowledgeable too. He was an ex Navy while his officer was an ex Air Force. So they did have a lot of experience and knowledge to share, didn’t they?

I have this special car with driver to take my guests from hotel to exhibitions and everywhere.

my car for a week! :)
my car for a week! 🙂

I don’t have anything more to say.

But I do miss LIMA. 😉

 

 

grapevines · hmmmm · nescafe tarik · self searching

Lost

Al Fatihah.

Almost 4 months after mum’s passing, my grandpa passed away on last Friday. This time, the news is kind of  expected as he’s been critical since last 3 weeks.

I remember when he first had his stroke few years ago, it was barely two weeks after I had visited him and talked to him about anything under the sun, about life, his sons (my father and my uncles) and about his land and cows.

The news of him being half paralyzed hit me so hard because as I grew up he wore this image of a healthy man. He was a rubber tapper in the morning, and in afternoon sometimes he had “meeting” with his friends at some coffee shop and at evening he would get out to find some grass for his cows. We had a large compound for his cows in front of grandma’s house.

Then, after that, everything had became a sad memory, the compound which used to be a green clean farm with tall tall coconut and rambutan trees, is now full with lalang. 😦

Anyway, as we had just adapting with mum’s passing, this news had made us tougher than we thought we could be, I think everyone dealt with this news goodly. I know my father, uncles and aunty must have been very sad but they are redha with this fate.

It is sad to lost someone so dear but we have to keep on living anyway. Things happened not always the way we expected it to be, and it has always been that way since the day we were born, and as we could see, we are still living. It’s how we deal with life is important.  We could be grieving and crying our heart out if we want to but at the end, it will come to our sense that whatever had happened, had happened and life doesn’t wait for us. We could spend our time being sad, as long as we know when to get up and keep our self together again.

I am not good at saying things.

But I hope you guys get it. And as I smile, please bear in your mind, that I still have whatever bitter things inside me.

But, well, life must go on, right?

Tkcr. 🙂