this is for u…

u always come and go as u like it
u never stay for enough time for me to know u
u seem like giving me hope, at times
then u leave..leaving me in confusion

u told me u like me…
maybe u don’t want to say u loved me
because u think love is complicated
or maybe u think i will make things complicated for you…

u always told me nice things because u know i trust u..
u know i like u so much
but u know i don’t deserve u..
but at the same time u don’t want to let me go..
because at the same time i don’t want to let u go either

i want u to stay with me..
i want u to be special to me…and i am special for u
because we both know we are good when we are together…


started well today, but in the mid day my excellent mood was disturbed. hmm feel so lazy. don’t ever want to do a job. tired maybe.

how to give a lesson to an individual who wants us to take care of his feeling without ever considering our feeling? sooo tired.

how to help myself from giving sooo much? how to help myself to expect little?

so much questions! huh that’s life, anyway. like it or not, life must go on. u can do it, shah!

things are easier said than done?

so that was said by too many people. please take it from the positive side. hmmm tak tau lah..kadang-kadang cam give up with these matter. not love, please. (i always set a hi-prospect on love..)

it is about my job (not really MINE) actually.  not that i hate my job. i really love MY job, especially when there are too many. cause i love doing the thing that i LOVE..

cam semalam rasa cam nak nangis pun ada bila KP talked to me outloud and a bit rude.  of course it was about another officer’s job. (let’s call him EPAL).  epal is now in australia, for a road safety (of course) course. he went there and leaving no trace of the report that KP asked him to prepare.  so yesterday, (at 5.45 pm) KP was mad when he realized all he had was the first draft of the report that was done by epal. (read : First Draft, dated 2nd November). so i was forced to break into epal’s room (lucky i am the one whose in charge for the office’s keys) to find any soft copy. and yes, there was none. so epal’s director asked me into his office and once again, i had to lend my ear to listen to boss’s saying that epal should had done this, done that..(hey, i am not epal, for God’s sake!) so yeah as the most junior staff available (read : it’s 5.45 pm daaa) i just listened. (without willing..)

hmm conclusion : i had to bring that damn first draft and retype whole pages that KP ammended before. (Luckily there were only two pages…) and to do revision and summarize them (my 25 pages report and epal’s  8 pages) into a simple 6 pages memorandum. and luckily i had them done before lunch hour. and today i did all i can to avoid myself from my KP and epal’s boss. but, hey they are the bosses…so yes, you knew it..i had to face them anyway. huh. but guess what, my KP said “well done, aishah!” after seeing and checking the report that i’ve prepared.

i love doing the things i know i am good at. heh. so does everyone, i guess?

yeah…for more good job in future

i wrote this at home

Wrote this at home, at 12.15 a.m. 

Entahla tadi balik dari melepak ngan bebudak nih, tetiba jer I’ve got a fon kol to entertain. Dari ikram. None will expect he would be calling me. Nothing personal I guess. He just wanted to know about the situation of the Melaka RSD Director.  So I blurt things out to him.  (things about I was so madly abused by my boss.) Things just happened. As usual, I was so comfortable to tell things to others. He is included.             Seems like he was so interested to know more.  I think I’ll speak to my Director about this. To help him. Maybe he really need to be in Malacca. (he’s married) hah whatever. 

Then, I called Izhar.  It was nice to talk to him.  After few days (only) of not talking to him.  I just didn’t know why, maybe I get used to talk to him if anything bad happens, since we were in our uni years. Gosh, it’s been so long…. 

My housemate is getting the same job like mine. Welcome to the club Ina!… 

This evening was so crazy.  My D.G wouldn’t let me out of the office until 7.00 pm. He was like mad when he saw me carrying my handbag at 5.50 pm and he asked about everything. (that had crossed his mind, even though some things are nothing to do with me…he just envy me. I could go home earlier seyh…but to answer and face him, I was stuck with his conversation and had to let go my V6ers dream…huhuu) he let me go though (at 6.45pm), but with laptop and a file to get things done at home. He expected these five copies of each report. (I’ve done two) and I think I can submit them tomorrow. (First thing when I reach the office is to print and copy the documents…) 

Sleepy and really need to sleep. Izhar promised to accompany me finish the report after his office hour (last at 1.00 a.m weekdays) but dear, I sleep first nah… 

Gudnite peeps.

anyway, i already completed the documents (10 copies for each reports!) this morning. (had to let go the chance to hang out with 105ers..)anyway, i was so relieved that those reports are finally complete and gald that my D.G gave me two thumbs up! nice job shah! 


there was a boy, he treated me like i was his girl friend. one day i’ve found out that he already had a special girlfriend. i was not mad at him, however i was so sorry for his special girl. that girl seemed so in love with him and had trusted him so much. i, on the other hand couldn’t seem to just let him go. instead i stayed with him.  and our relationship grew. but i knew there was no future for us. so after two weeks of being so close to him, i decided that i was so selfish and i had hurt other’s heart, eventhough that girl would never know about this. (cause she stayed in different state).so i back off. and just stay as his friend.

until last year, i stopped keeping in touch with him. because i finally realized that he just needed me as a replacement. (when he got back here, so he was far from his girl..) and i think i was so tired of being don’t mind when i at certain times was actually really mind…

now he keeps emailing, messagging and what soever alike. and i don’t like it. shall i just ignore it?

bee bee is working…..

damn busy. need to go and find a pair of court shoes. huhu. got lots of report to complete. my boss is getting mad at us already. i’m gonna splurge this evening. talking about retail theraphy..

hemm i just didnt know what was so indirect about the post. i think the meaning of the post is clear.

anyway, i bought a pair of shoes. kind of cute. and i like it. very much! here’s the pics. the velvety one. with pink label. yeah.

my shoes.