Something sappy

Do you know this feeling, that, when you feel like you’re being sad, but you can’t be sad. You can’t get to be sad, something like that. Like you have to convince yourself that you’re indeed, feeling sad.

I want to feel sad, but I know that it’s worthless.

It’s like, I want to be sad, but in my working mind, I’ve been reminding myself over and over again, that the thing that makes me sad, doesn’t worth my time and energy. That I have a lot of other things to be happy about, rather than resorting to being sad. (I need to be more thankful each day) — that some prayers are being answered, I’m blessed indeed.

Do you understand this?

Something to replace the other thing

I ni seorang yang malas, jadi I have to find something to counter this laziness to make up for every thing else. Faham tak ni? Tak faham pun takpe. I tulis sini sebab malas nak bebel di twitter or malas nak susahkan orang lain untuk memahami.

I malas nak hadap certain people, so untuk elakkan jumpa orang-orang yang I tak nak hadap ni, I have to train other people to cover up for me. Lucky for me that I can do that, by involving some other people in my unit.

I malas nak hadap certain people yang sudah ada persepsi tertentu terhadap I. Opps, bukan, maksud I, I ada rasa la certain people ni tak suka kat I… (maybe I yang tak suka dia dulu, so I pun rasa dia tak suka I). I suka je nak biar orang pandang I positively but well, I won’t go troubling myself to prove to them that I am like this or like that.  For me, if dia suka, dia sukalah, if dia tak suka, well. If pasal kerja, dalam cara ini, I cuma boleh buktikan melalui hasil kerja I saja, that I can work, anything that I was instructed to do, I will do it happily.  Katakan, if I dah delivered tahap A pun, but some people still don’t like me, I’d say, that’s their problem.

Thank you to those who is still around. Yang mana baru nak mendekat tu, kalau rasa tak boleh layan/hadap I, still not too late to walk away.

Semoga I tetap tak boleh nak buat-buat suka kat orang.

 

Whyyyyy

I’m still on your Netflix
Girl, I know you love me
Even though your parents
They don’t fu***** trust me
They probably alright though
I know I’m an asshole
No reply to all your texts girl I do you mad cold

Like you’re just
Dying to drive but you can’t find the keys, now
Looking for God but you’re down on your knees, I’m
All that you want but not what you need girl why

Tell me why do you still love me
Why do you love me?
You know you shouldn’t love me
Yea you still love me

All your friends tell you they hate me
God I’m f***kin’ shady
Couple weeks ago they were inside my sheets naked
Club, so you can Snapchat
T***ies out to snap that
I know that you do that shit just hoping for a snapback

Like you’re just
Dying to drive but you can’t find the keys, now
Looking for God but you’re down on your knees, I’m
All that you want but not what you need girl why

Tell me why do you still love me
Why do you love me?
You know you shouldn’t love me
Yea you still love me, oh

Why do you need me when you know you don’t need me?
It’s tearing you apart
I leave you broken and shaken
And you still call me baby

Tell me why do you still love me
Why do you love me?
You know you shouldn’t love me
Yea you still love me

Something is not right

Ha, I don’t even know what or why or how, but a big part of me is yearning to go out and travel. I miss the beach (who doesn’t) and particularly I miss the feeling of traveling, most probably alone.

I think I need some time out. I will not justify my feeling for I know there are some people who’ve been through more difficult time than me.

I don’t even know why am I feeling this, I just feel tired.