Pulang

My husband and I are on our way back from my hometown. We were there to pay our last respect to my late grandmother who passed away last Saturday.

It was surreal as I received the news from my father. I was in Kedah, taking care of the closing ceremony for our event. Frankly, I didn’t even know what to feel at that time, my mind was focusing on who to be mad at for not checking things until last minutes for the event.

I last visited my grandma and talked to her early October. I guess we were ready for anything since the doctor said there’s nothing much left to do. She was 86 years old.

Anyway, I just wanted everyone to be close to their parent. Appreciate them while they are still here… I have lost my mom 10 years ago… and my grandma had so much more replaced her for all these years. So now, the house will likely sit empty unless for raya or any kenduri.

I don’t even know if the uncles and auntie are gonna spend more time at late grandma’s house, now that she’s gone. Masa arwah ada pun jarang balik. Sometimes I can’t help but think… kenapa susah sangat diorang nak balik, though I tried so much to be understanding but didn’t they realise how much their mom missed them?

Please appreciate your parents and families.

Whatever it is, we are moving on with our life. And pray for the best for everyone. Take care and hugs.

Something sappy

Do you know this feeling, that, when you feel like you’re being sad, but you can’t be sad. You can’t get to be sad, something like that. Like you have to convince yourself that you’re indeed, feeling sad.

I want to feel sad, but I know that it’s worthless.

It’s like, I want to be sad, but in my working mind, I’ve been reminding myself over and over again, that the thing that makes me sad, doesn’t worth my time and energy. That I have a lot of other things to be happy about, rather than resorting to being sad. (I need to be more thankful each day) — that some prayers are being answered, I’m blessed indeed.

Do you understand this?

Something to replace the other thing

I ni seorang yang malas, jadi I have to find something to counter this laziness to make up for every thing else. Faham tak ni? Tak faham pun takpe. I tulis sini sebab malas nak bebel di twitter or malas nak susahkan orang lain untuk memahami.

I malas nak hadap certain people, so untuk elakkan jumpa orang-orang yang I tak nak hadap ni, I have to train other people to cover up for me. Lucky for me that I can do that, by involving some other people in my unit.

I malas nak hadap certain people yang sudah ada persepsi tertentu terhadap I. Opps, bukan, maksud I, I ada rasa la certain people ni tak suka kat I… (maybe I yang tak suka dia dulu, so I pun rasa dia tak suka I). I suka je nak biar orang pandang I positively but well, I won’t go troubling myself to prove to them that I am like this or like that.  For me, if dia suka, dia sukalah, if dia tak suka, well. If pasal kerja, dalam cara ini, I cuma boleh buktikan melalui hasil kerja I saja, that I can work, anything that I was instructed to do, I will do it happily.  Katakan, if I dah delivered tahap A pun, but some people still don’t like me, I’d say, that’s their problem.

Thank you to those who is still around. Yang mana baru nak mendekat tu, kalau rasa tak boleh layan/hadap I, still not too late to walk away.

Semoga I tetap tak boleh nak buat-buat suka kat orang.

 

Whyyyyy

I’m still on your Netflix
Girl, I know you love me
Even though your parents
They don’t fu***** trust me
They probably alright though
I know I’m an asshole
No reply to all your texts girl I do you mad cold

Like you’re just
Dying to drive but you can’t find the keys, now
Looking for God but you’re down on your knees, I’m
All that you want but not what you need girl why

Tell me why do you still love me
Why do you love me?
You know you shouldn’t love me
Yea you still love me

All your friends tell you they hate me
God I’m f***kin’ shady
Couple weeks ago they were inside my sheets naked
Club, so you can Snapchat
T***ies out to snap that
I know that you do that shit just hoping for a snapback

Like you’re just
Dying to drive but you can’t find the keys, now
Looking for God but you’re down on your knees, I’m
All that you want but not what you need girl why

Tell me why do you still love me
Why do you love me?
You know you shouldn’t love me
Yea you still love me, oh

Why do you need me when you know you don’t need me?
It’s tearing you apart
I leave you broken and shaken
And you still call me baby

Tell me why do you still love me
Why do you love me?
You know you shouldn’t love me
Yea you still love me